As I pack my things and get rid of everything I do not need, Hurricane Irma is full force hitting the great state of Florida.
My house like Florida, is in disarray. as if strong winds has moved everything from its proper place, items scattered across the floor, on top of the table and countertops..
I had to take a quick second and catch my breath, my heart pounding and skipping beats, I grabbed my chest and sat down.
"It is okay. It will all be okay."
I imagine the universe is having a good laugh at me right now and, me being me, I imagine too, that the laughing is not malicious.
I have created my own hurricane. I am cognizant of this. Many times over the course of the last two years I imagined that I should minimalize, get rid of needless things. Focusing only on what is important.
And while I sit and contemplate my mind turns back to the man who left me abruptly two years ago. My Teacher, this is what I call him now, is in Florida where the eye of the storm is destined to hit.
I resist texting him, although I know for certain if I did he would respond. He always prided himself in being progressive and full of love and light.
It is fucking painful. I hate that I still love him, it is almost as bad as the betrayal he committed towards me. My heart betrays my mind...like drinking saltwater.
He disappeared on me after a year of a whirlwind romance, two friends becoming lovers, plans to relocate and travel nurse in an RV, head North during summer and South during winter..and living a minimalist lifestyle. The two of us.
Now I pack alone, divide alone, and make great plans alone. I suppose at some point we all must pick up the pieces of what is left after the storm has passed and decided where we are going from there.
I have decided, that what I wanted in that life I will still create it, even if it is alone.
I wish everyone safety and health that is suffering the effects of hurricane..even the Teacher, and Irma, you can go fuck yourself.
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